Dear Moose Crossing Sign Department,

How Are You Determining Where to Post These Signs???

Dear Moose Crossing Sign Department,

Let me start by explaining that the elusive moose is my favorite animal.  I don’t know if it’s because I loved the cartoon, Bullwinkle, as a kid (still love Bullwinkle actually) but I have always loved moose.  And growing up in New England I couldn’t help but notice the abundance of “Moose Crossing” signs dotting the highways.  In hindsight, there are probably more signs than there are actual moose. 

On a recent road trip, I noticed these signs are still posted along the highways and was reminded of the many, many, MANY road trips I have taken over the years and yet, in the words of that classic Eagles song, Life in the Fast Lane, “been up and down this highway, haven’t seen a goddamn thing.”

The situation became such that we turned to professional help.  Did you know there was such a thing?  There is! It’s called a “moose safari.”  We arrived VERY early in the morning (the best time to see moose the guide claimed) and the guide drove us, and the other bleary-eyed moose-sighting seekers, to many supposed moose sighting spots, claiming things like: they like these weeds here by the side of the lake or this salt there on the road.  But alas, no moose were seen.  Then, right before we pulled into the parking lot of the tour office, the guide screeched to a halt, grabbed her binoculars, pointed across a lake and screamed, “Look! Way out across the lake! Up and to the right! See that tiny brown spot? That’s a moose!”  Not one person in our group, other than the guide (allegedly), saw the tiny, brown spot much less an actual moose.

So despite my previous experience, or lack thereof, on my most recent road trip, when I saw those signs again, I hoped beyond hope, to actually see a moose at a moose crossing! 

I did see this:

Not a moose!

and this:

Also, not a moose!

But no moose! I keep wondering why, oh why, are there no moose at the moose crossings! So, dear Moose Crossing Sign Department, I’ve come to this conclusion—the moose can’t read and therefore don’t know where they are supposed to cross!  My advice?  Moose University! So they can learn to read and thus cross where they are supposed to!  Just ask Bullwinkle, he loved his time at Wossamotta U!

So Let it Be Written, So Let it Be Done,

Felicia